Embrace the Honor
by ruismii
Summary: We are two halves of a twisted peach..." Suboshi reflects right before he possesses Amiboshi in the 2nd OVA.


_Disclaimer:  I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or its characters.  They are owned and copyrighted to Watase Yuu.  I'm just borrowing them. _

_Author's Notes:  Set in the Second ova, where Suboshi and Amiboshi reunite in Kaika's body to help defeat Tenkou  This is a revised version of the original fiction posted by Bashou-chan  (my older account).  I will take down the older one once the log in is working again._

**Embrace the Honor**, by ruismii

Kaika sat languidly, slumped in his chair and eyes dancing with mirth.  He was surrounded by his village friends, and smiled and laughed along with their pantomimes and happy tales.  He treasured these times, as one should, for he knew that his life was merely the flick of a wrist to their God.  Life was only a short span of time to discover all the secrets vested to humans: family, friendship, love…  He treasured every moment of his life, in awe of the peace and tranquility that surrounded his little riverside town, for Kaika had heard about the mysterious war raging between Konan and Kutou.

~*~

You don't see it, do you, friends?  You don't see how lucky we are; how fortunate we are to be living in such an undisturbed town, oblivious to the worldly troubles.  I see it.  I see an evil spreading through the world—a dark blanket or cloak that intends to suffocate us all.  I see it.  I don't know how, but I see it—

_I know, Aniki.  I know, I know.  You can see it too, can't you?  Like me.  But you don't know what it is anymore.  I can tell you; I can bring us back together!  But I see you here, happy, finally.  You laugh and joke with your friends, and I can see true contentedness shining in all your actions.  You lovingly tame the land in which you work tediously everyday and you flourish in a devoted, adoring family.  I can't bear to take you away from it—you've finally achieved what we've always wanted!  How can I even consider taking you away from this beautiful life that you have reconstructed around you?_

--maybe I feel it.  I have no idea where this comes from, but I feel as if I have known sorrow my whole life; as if I had experienced true terror and fear.  And because of this, I value this life dearly.  I have grown accustomed to this town, to hard labor and little awards.  I take comfort in it.  I cherish the normalcy, the undisturbed, predictable life this sleepy town offers…

_…because it's tangible, Aniki.__  I know how you feel; I've always known what you wanted.  Peace.  That what it is, isn't it?  That's what this town is to you.  It's why you love this oblivion so much.  It's a shred of surrealism come true.  It's a tiny corner of the dream you've tugged on since we were little.  But now you've come to sense beyond your little town into the midst of evil; the unhappiness sprouting between two warring countries…_

We're lucky like that, us townspeople.  Our life is so ordinary, so safe from any spontaneous harm.   Complaining about the work we do…I won't ever do that.  I accept this petty task that's been asked by my God—this role that I've been assigned.  I'll do it for the rest of my life.  What right do we have to complain when there are so many others who are suffering, without a home?  This life, it is nothing but a simple chore, a simple duty of life asked of us…

_A simple duty.__  A simple duty to perform for Seiryuu; for Miko.  A simple request to protect Yui-sama.  I would have done so until my soul flew to another world—but I failed.  You would not have failed, Anik;, you could have protected her.  But you never did embrace the honor, did you?_

…a simple duty born from a life of concord.  I am lucky to be asked only for this, and I grieve for those who are not as lucky as I am.  I'll grieve and pray and miss…I'll miss them…I miss them…

_I did, though.  This new found dignity that coursed through my veins was like a drug that I had been searching for my whole life.  We never did have that before, Aniki—dignity.  We were orphaned at such a young age, when children have no direction in life.  And so we became beggars on the street.  Being Seiryuu no Sichiseishi, protecting Yui-sama…because of these, I existed.  I could live, because I was expected to.  So I submerged myself in pledging my honor, perhaps suffocated myself with the newfound feelings and power.  You never did, and I never needed to ask you why, because I knew.  You thought it to be a curse, another burden to add to our ever increasing list._

--I miss them.  I don't know who, but I miss them!  Maybe they were part of another time, another part of me before I found my life here.  Who are they?  I wish them a safe life. I have a sense of dread overcoming me; I can see this make a slow trek over my soul…but this is not apprehension for myself.  Oddly…I harbor fear for someone else…

_You were the composed twin and I was the one who rushed into life, demanding that it acknowledge my existence.  You held me to the ground when my heart wanted to fly away to the void of death; you calmed me with you wisdom and compassion.  Aniki…I can't do this…I don't want to do this.  I don't want to break your perfect world of innocence that you have so desperately sought after and finally found…_

I don't understand…

_It'll be just like before.  We'll be together again, just like before.  I'll burden you, just like before.  And I must take away your dream, as I did before…_

It is not such a simple task anymore.  My god is tugging at my soul, calling me…and I answer him.  The duty of my farm is fading away.  My life is not so simple anymore…

_But you'll forgive me.  You always forgive me._

Okaa-san, Otou-san…thank you for everything.  I can't explain this…it's taking me away.

_It's all the more painful, how you so easily forgive me, your shared flesh and blood and soul._

I'll see them again…

_Your heart is so pure.  How you shielded yourself from the temptation of power I'll never know.  You are my idol; you are the epitome of a perfect soul._

I miss them, but I'll see them soon.  I'll be glad to help…

_I am nothing but a mere shadow of you; the darkness had devoured me from the beginning.  We are two halves of a twisted peach and I am the rotted side._

…Mitsukake…

_I won't blame Nakago.  I found the source of the problem, Aniki; you taught me so.  I found it…it came from the very center of me.  Nakago was only the path of which my revengeful intentions gladly followed._

…Tasuki…__

_I want to cleanse my soul now; I want to be like you._

…Chichirir...Nuriko…__

_But I need your help._

…Hotohori…Tamahome…

_I can't do anything without you by my side._

…Miaka…

_I need you._

…Amiboshi…Suboshi…

_I love you._

…Shunkaku…Otouto…

_Help me…Aniki!_

_More author's notes:  Comments always appreciated!  Thanks for reading._


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